I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
