The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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