My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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