A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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