Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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