Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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