Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
