I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
