yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
