Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
