id be glad to
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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