This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
