In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
