dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
