she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
