Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jerry, you need to find god
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
