We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i think i just lost a toe
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
