He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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