Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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