Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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