She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My dick has a subreddit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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