your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
