Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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