I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
