Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
