The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize