I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
