who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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