i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
