Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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