Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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