since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
