Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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