I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
