all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
