That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
