I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
