so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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