I wanna bring you to show and tell
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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