it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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