yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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