Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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