Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
