i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
