Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
