Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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