Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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