remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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