there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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