I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
