i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i think i just lost a toe
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
