I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
