Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
