I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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