she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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