hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
