That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
