I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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